Thursday, June 19, 2014


All actions are motivated by two basic choices: approach or avoidance, and by two basic emotions, happy or angry. Anger is an automatic response to ill treatment. It is a feedback mechanism in which an unpleasant stimulus is met with an unpleasant response. It is the way a person indicates he or she will not tolerate certain types of behavior.  

Our brain is equipped with scanning devices that are always looking for anything that is threatening. Even in our sleep when the internal alarm goes off we can be aroused very quickly and be ready for flight or fight. Anger and fear are almost identical.

Anger is an emotion related to one's psychological interpretation of having been offended, wronged or denied. Typical responses are withdrawal or antagonism. Angry animals may make loud sounds, attempt to look physically larger, stare, bare their teeth, and become aggressive or flee.  A whole complex of glandular and physical arousal occurs. 

If you have been driving a car and had or nearly had an accident you know what this rush of stimulation feels like. Anger has physical correlates such as increased heart rate, blood pressure, and levels of adrenaline and noradrenaline. 
Our internal alarm system triggers the release of adrenaline to heighten our awareness and responsiveness. This gives our blood stream and muscles a quick supply of glucose so we can run fast and make quick decisions. Also we may have a burst of histamines to ward off infections.
Skydiving, bungie jumping or riding a roller coaster are examples of the kind of adrenaline "thrill." This rush of stimulation to the body's chemistry is also intimately involved in addictive behavior. It's a bit like a dog in the yard who barks at passers by. If no one is there to shush the dog or the dog isn't properly trained what is appropriate behavior, he may become a chronic nuisance. This bad habit may have started because the dog may just be bored or not have any better to do.  Like the dog that barks too much we need to re-evaluate what is appropriate.
When our aggression becomes so extreme that we lose self-control, it is said that we are in a rage. Aggression must be distinguished from assertiveness which is tactfully and rationally standing up for your own rights; indeed, assertiveness is designed not to hurt others. Anger can also be distinguished from hostility which is a chronic state of anger. Anger is a temporary response, which we all have, to a particular frustrating situation; hostility is a permanent personality characteristic which certain people have.
When anger is excessive and destructive; it has bad effects health and well being in general.  It is apparent that irrational beliefs drive a person's anger to violence; magnifying the immediate circumstances, demonizing an opponent, and setting unrealistic and unattainable standards for oneself and others. We know know that depression is a form of anger turned against the self.
Anger and aggression come in many forms, some quite subtle, and anger is frequently concealed or a disguised emotion. One common way of expressing suppressed anger has been given a special name: passive-aggressiveness. There is another related form of concealed anger: feeling like a victim. Both the passive-aggressive and the victim are likely to deny or be unaware of their anger.
Anger just naturally results from frustration. Aggression also has a chemical, hormonal basis too. Anger hormones have a similarity to methamphetamine, and are addictive and intoxicating. Distancing ourselves from anger intoxication affords time out to "sober up" and recognize the differences between constructive differences of opinion and destructive disagreements, conflicts and incitement to violence. By using techniques like bio-feedback, progressive relation, and even meditation, we can overcome habitual anger.
As with alcoholism, apparently there may also a genetic or inherited element to aggressive behavior and chronic anger. An example is that certain breeds of dogs, like Pit Bulls, are more vicious than others. Also, more aggressive breeds can be developed, e.g. rats or fighting chickens and bulls. A large survey of adopted children has found that living with an adoptive parent who committed crimes is less risky than merely having the genes from a person who committed crimes.
Other factors now known to be contributing to irritability and aggression are hotter temperatures,  hypoglycemia (low blood sugar), high testosterone levels (male sex hormone), and brain damage or dysfunction. There is also clear evidence that drug abuse and alcohol consumption and  release aggression.
Chronically angry people may have a dual or good guy/bad guy personality which is the core of co-dependency. And co-dependency can be express between two people or between many, as when as political figure embodies innate aggressions. Great atrocities are attributed to crazed men--Hitler, Stalin, terrorists, etc. But, ordinary people can rather easily become evil enough to discriminate against, hurt, and brutalize others.
It isn't just the prejudiced and deranged that brutalize. There is scary evidence that almost all of us might, under the right conditions, develop a tolerance or a rationalization for injustice. Even the most moral among us may just look the other way. We strongly resist thinking of ourselves as potentially mean, but we have no trouble believing that others are immoral. Like any other addictive behavior, denial is integral to the problem of anger.

The crime rate soars and  prisons overflow. Infidelity and spouse abuse, prejudice, rape and murder are rampant.  Even within the family-- supposedly our refuge, our safe place, our source of love--there is much violence. Such self-serving and aggressive urges probably helped  humans survive one million years ago but threatens our survival today. The socialization process, i.e. becoming a mature person, involves taming these destructive, savage tendencies.

Technology has delivered the means to destroy all life as we know it, but will it also enable a kinder, gentler population? We are a species at risk of becoming adrenaline addicted. Violence is a central issue of our time and we had better give it due consideration, and remember that peace begins within.
Anger is innate, but we can and must learn to suppress aggression. Weapons, terrorism, and media violence have proliferated along with increased population density. But has there been an increase in anything that would balance the scales? Are we becoming more tolerant, forgiving, and compassionate? How can this be accomplished? The sooner we deal with these issues, the better the quality of our lives will become. and the sooner we can begin finding our bliss

Seratonin seems to be the switch that turns off anger. When enough seratonin is secreted we feel happy. We know that anger management techniques actually work. We also know that inner peace is primarily a matter of attention and desire. But will we focus our attention and purpose to these ends? Each of can begin making some headway by learning to recognize anger and unkindness within our own minds and hearts and adjust our behavior accordingly.
Clearly we reward competitive behavior. Men are particularly expected to be goal oriented, to win, to capture the trophy, to "bring home the bacon." In insidious ways we are taught that only the ones at the top of the heap earn the right to feel good. Fishing and hunting and sports are expected to make us feel good. But most competitions have only one (or at best a few) winners. All the other participants usually are not considered to be winners and are offered no appropriate mode of feeling and behavior that is redeeming or constructive.
We have learned that the brain chemistry in most residents of mental and penal institutions have detectable differences from the general population. Although we don't yet undertand this, we continue to be quick to punish and criminalize anti-social behavior, but offer little in the way of alternatives or rehabilitation. Ignoring these issues won't make them go away, but will make it worse. In fact, if the present rates don't change it will only be a few decades (statistically) until the entire population is institutionalized.
The damage that has been done to women by being devalued for so long is mirrored by the implied disrespect for men who exhibit humility and kindness. Qualities like constancy, compassion,  and selflessness are not properly acknowledged and extolled, especially in the media. In fact the media, which is driven by commercialism and box office ratings, literally preys on innocence, since it is danger and violence that command our attention the most.   

Anger is very common, and does more harm than any other behavior. When you feel angry, blow your cool, and turn into that negative "other" person. Then events, situations and people respond to you in a similar manner. There's a better way. There's no need to tear ourselves up inside or take it out on others. By learning means of preventing or coping with anger in ourselves and in others we can understand how to recognize the arousal curve and accept the necessity of anger management techniques.

Anger can be like a pressure cooker; we can only apply pressure against our anger for a certain amount of time until it explodes. But you have an alternative. By practicing the Nonviolent Communication (NVC) process you can use that anger to serve a specific, life-enriching purpose. It tells you that you're disconnected from what you value and that your needs are not being met. Rather than managing your anger by suppressing your feelings or blasting someone with your judgments, you can use anger to discover what you need, and then how to meet your needs in constructive ways.

Marshall Rosenberg writes about how to transform your passion by applying some key truths:- People or events may spark your anger but your own judgments are its cause.
- Judging others as "wrong" prevents you from connecting with your unmet needs.
- Getting clear about your needs helps you identify solutions satisfying to everyone.
- Creating strategies focused on meeting your needs transforms anger into positive actions.

In the early days of our evolution only those individuals with the quickest reactions may have survived. Only their genes made it into the gene pool. Consequently our species has developed a hair-trigger reaction to threatening conditions.

Situations that stress us have increased dramatically in the past few decades, along with he complexity of our lives. Frustration is the feeling we get when we don't get what we want. Anger is feeling mad in response to frustration or injury. You don't like what has happened and usually you'd like to get revenge. Aggression is action, i.e. attacking someone.

You can feel it when it hits you. Your face flushes and your vision narrows. Your heartbeat increases as judgmental thoughts flood your mind. Your anger has been triggered, and you're about to say or do something that will likely make it worse.
Life often turns out to be a bit messy. The more you let it get to you, the more of your life is in a snit. The choice is yours.

"Humans are collectors, rememberers, holders of the past. Our reluctance to give up one old pattern, one old thought, one old memory, is so deeply a part of our make-up, that the ability to move forward is already impeded beyond any further action.

Our momentoes become an historical prison, dooming us to the repetition, or near repetition of our past. What we believe worked no longer works, because we cannot go back to where we were.

A memory is nothing more than than a myth of what we wish to believe, not a record of what really happened. What we recall is what we want to recall and the longer we are removed in time and experience from the original experience, the more distorted the picture.

This is one reason we keep repeating war. In time, no matter how horrible the war has been, we outgrow it. Instead of seeing the horror we change the picture to heroics and weave strange and mystical tales of our victories and conquests. And when the stories begin to lose their meaning, we have another war."    -- Gregge Tiffen

If you are patient inone moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.  -- Chinese Proverb.

Anger, if not restrained, is frequently more hurtful to us than the injury that provokes it.  -- Seneca.

The greatest remedy for anger is delay.  -- Seneca.

For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.  -- Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.  -- Buddha.

People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.  -- Will Rogers.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.  -- Ambrose Bierce.

Consider how much more you often suffer from your anger and grief, than from those very things for which you are angry and grieved.  -- Marcus Antonius.

Do not teach your children never to be angry; teach them how to be angry.  -- Lyman Abbott.

How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it.  -- Marcus Aurelius.

Two things a man should never be angry at: what he can help, and what he cannot help.  -- Thomas Fuller.

When a man is wrong and won't admit is, he always gets angry.  -- Thomas Haliburton.

There was never an angry man that thought his anger unjust.  -- St. Francis De Sales.

Anger is what makes a clear mind seem clouded.  -- Kazi Shams.

No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched.
-- George Jean Nathan.

We wish to acknowledge Clayton E. Tucker-Ladd for his nline-book, PSYCHOLOGICAL SELF-HELP. Much of the material in this page came from this source, and there is a lot more detail and information at Mental Health Net

  • Controlling Anger websites and Links on the Internet- Controlling Anger on the Internet- Directory of Websites on Controlling Anger.
  • Growth Central - Anger Management- Help for anger problems. Professional resources, free information sent by e mail. Real Solution Anger Control Workbook. (Limited-time special price)
  • Anger Info at Self Care - Shop at for high-quality, hard-to-find health, beauty, nutrition, and fitness products. Books and videos, health information.
  • Free Weekly Self Improvement Newsletter - provides a free weekly newsletter to help improve your life. It contains articles, book reviews, quotes and news - covering subjects like anger and self-help.
  • Couples Conflict & Healing Manual - Free workbook samples for stressed marriages and relationships. Home study manual for couples who get angry. Five respect agreements to express & listen to anger constructively.
  • Anger? Restore Balance to Prevent It - Suffering from anger? This may be caused by an imbalance in your system that can be corrected by simple and natural methods. Try this balance analysis now.
  • Rage and Regret - One can hardly pick up a newspaper or magazine without coming across an article on rage...airline rage, road rage, mall rage, whatever. It is an emotion that has grown to disease proportions and like any disease it is killing some of us. 
  • The Face of Anger - The Face of Anger Web site offers a proven program for adults who deal with the destructive effects of uncontrolled anger through the use of Chaplain Daniels seminar, video and workbook.
  • The Ultimate Women's Information Site - Find answers at The award-winning site featuring information, services, community and shopping deals created especially for women.
  • Taming the Volcano-An Anger Mgmt Program - sometimes the best of intentions is not enough. This eight tape audio anger management series has been developed for both men and women for use in the privacy of their own home.
  • Our Nutrients Treat Anger! - Our all natural product successfully treats the cause of anger. Not available in stores, order direct and save!
  • Growth Central - Help for Relationships, Anger Management, Assertiveness, Anxiety, Binge Eating, Marriage Counseling, Mental Health ResourcesProfessional Services, Information via email, Bookstore, Consultation.
  • Anger, Letting It Go - Hello, greetings, and welcome...It's time to let go of your anger, before it gets the better of you. Wondering how? By using this self-hypnosis sleep tape at bedtime. Your subconscious mind will do the rest.
  • - is the most complete guide to information about Self-Improvement,Personal Growth and Self Help on the internet.It is designed to be an organized directory of websites and articles including everything from health to fitness
  • Coming To Terms With Life's Raw Deals! - God Is Not Fair -- Powerful book about coping with suffering & pain, endorsed by Joni Eareckson Tada, Billy Graham & Dr. Paul Meier, written by professional counselor, former pastor & veteran chaplain of NBA Washington Wizards, Dr. Joel Freeman.
  • When Strangling Someone Isn't An Option - Inappropriate anger in the workplace is a leading cause of firings – cited ahead of job incompetence. Powerful on-site Anger Management/Violence Prevention workshop program for supervisors, educators, urban youth initiatives, government agencies...
  • Anger Management Institute - Use the toolbar at the left to navigate throughout the site. Hit Counter Copyright 2000, Anger  - Management Institute
  • Anger Management Techniques - When anger is mismanaged, the results can be catastrophic in both terms of dollars and the waste of human potential. Learn anger management techniques.
  • Handling your anger before it handles you - It doesn't take much to tick someone off nowadays. Take, for example, Bill Foster, a fictional character played by Michael Douglas in the 1994 movie Falling Down. Foster 
  • Parenting Toolbox  - Coping with  Grief and Loss,  Nontraditional Families, Mental Health, and Generation X/Y. Work Bench : Expert  - discussions and support lists. Ask Ron : Free online Parent Q & A Column.
  • Controlling Anger -- Before It Controls You - APA public information brochure outlines various techniques to help those who experience intense anger learn how to better control it.
  • New Hope/Anger Management - Training for Men - Web pages feature training and methods to assist in breaking the anger cycle in adults, youth, and children.
  • Anger Management - Anger Toolkit - At the Anger Institute, we have seen first-hand the damage that anger can do to relationships and individuals. We have also seen how this damage can be completely reversed
  • 7 Tips for Getting Along Better with Your Kids - Whether we like it or not, we live in a conditional society. We have to perform to stay employed. Sometimes our children sense that they must perform to be loved. They have
  • Get Your ANGRIES Out - Get Your Angries Out - The home page for Talk, Trust and Feel Therapeutics. Psychologist, Dr. Lynne Namka shares insights, and constructive help to improve relationships and work
  • Controlling Anger...Controlling Anger Before It Controls You TOPICS: What Is Anger?...Anger Management Strategies To Keep Anger At Bay?
  • Family anger is a violent and abusive situation Prevent abuse by...Tools : Discipline Development Family Anger Parent Education Power Tools...: Family Anger Six Steps
  • Anger Workout...Growth Relationships Communication Anger Workout Control Issues Growing......Adult Links Courses Home Tools for Anger Work-Out By: James J. Messina
  • Focus Adolescent Services: Resources on Anger and Violence1-877-362-8727 Web Resources Anger and Aggression Signs
  • Anger...Emergency Services Stress Management Lab Anger Anxiety [text only] [admin] Anger What is anger?
  • APA HelpCenter: Get the Facts: Psychology in Daily Life: Controlling...Controlling Anger -- Before It Controls You We all know what anger......annoyance or as a full-fledged rage. Anger is a completely normal
  • Anger/Aggression...Choose To Be Happy (1998) Overcome Anger and Aggression INDEX HOSTILITY......ACCEPTING THE UNCHANGEABLE GET CONTROL OF ANGER-PRODUCING BELIEFS
  • Anger, temper, irritability, - self help information from Pegasus...improve your own health & happiness Anger (Home) (Contents)...... (Free newsletter) The cost of anger The mechanics of anger.
  • Anger...Addiction Adultery Aging Alcohol Angels Anger Animals Anxiety Apologetics......To Us | Advertising | Other Sites Anger How to Handle Anger
  • Anger - Part I: Identifying Anger - Abuse/Incest Support - A two-part feature about anger and how it can be a survivor's ally, from your Mining Company Guide
  • Anger - Part II: Using Anger's Power Safely - Abuse/Incest Support - A two-part feature about anger and how it can be a survivor's ally, from your Mining Company Guide
  • Coping with Anger - Abuse/Incest Support - Managing your anger, from your Mining Co. Guide
  • Anger Management - Productive ways to cope with anger
  • Anger - Anger in special education students
  • Abuse/Incest Support - Feature: Anger - Part I: Identifying Anger - Enter one-sentence description of this week’s featured], from your Guide,Part of a multi-part feature exploring anger issues for survivors of child abuse, domestic violence, and sexual abuse.)
  • Resolving Anger at Work - Career Planning - Learn to understand and manage workplace anger, from your guide
  • Managing Your Anger - Career Planning- Anger can be self defeating, if not dangerous. Learn how to manage your anger, from your Guide
  • Anger - Divorce Support -Anger, from your Guide
  • Anger Phase of Grief - when the dying and the bereaved are angry it is often difficult for friends and family to understand.Family and friends are often difficult to understand as they go through the stages of grief.
  • Anger - Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart: thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy neighbour, and not suffer sin upon him. 18 Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love ...
  • Letting Go Of Anger - Hello, greetings and welcome. All you need to do to leg go of anger, is to play this hypnotic sleep tape at bedtime. Your subconscious will do the rest. Cost $11.95 Barrie.
  • TPCN - Great Quotations (Quotes) To Inspire And Motivate You! - Anger - Let these quotes help you become more successful and achieve your dreams.
  • Anger Inventory - Anger Inventory for self-study of how anger affects you.
  • Advice from the Spiritual Friend by Lama Zopa Rinpoche - by Lama Zopa Rinpoche During a teaching at Vajrapani Institute in Boulder Creek California on May 23, Lama Zopa Rinpoche explained various ways to deal with anger
  • Anger Management - Anger Toolki - At the Anger Institute, we have seen first-hand the damage that anger can do to relationships and individuals. We have also seen how this damage can be completely reversed 
  • LYCOS: Society > People >  Issues >Anger and Anger Management
  • Anger Self-Test - Explanations about anger and a self-test on the anger in your life.
  • Dealing with the Effects of Anger - Eleven part essay by Susan Kramer on understanding the source of anger and hints on anger management.
  • Handling Your Anger Before It Handles You - Essay by Sharon Foster. Counseling Today, vol. 38, May 1996.
  • What Can You Learn from Anger? - Article by Ken Johnson providing information on what anger is, what drives anger, and how to manage and control reactions to being angered.
  •  Anger Management Groups for Children - Article by Margaret Hicke, MFCC and Pete McClintock, MFCC. Published May 1998, for San Diego CAMFT.
  •  New Hope/Anger Management - Training for Men - Training and methods to assist in breaking the anger cycle in people. Focus of htis page is men's particular anger problems
  •  Anger & Stress In Marriage - Expressing Anger Constructively - Free tips that help couples express or listen to anger constructively. Stop destructive arguing. Increase trust and respect in relationship. Guidelines for answering 'Should I stay, or should I go?
  • Handling Your Anger...Before It Handles You. Article doesn't address BDSM specifically, but is still of value. From CTOnline.